Being a rebel...

Sometimes I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. Sometimes I wish when you called I wouldn’t just ignore the phone as if you’re worthless. In fact, I love you like no other woman. I’ve always loved you even though at times it is hard to express yet you’ll always be my one true love. I am not sure what it is but maybe my rage and anger is too much for me at times to withstand. I know you mean well so I am not going to fight you but I think it’s time you take a look at me and treat me like I matter to you. You value me when I am not there maybe because it boosts your ego as if you were the one guiding me through this journey. You talk about me like no other yet what happen to expressing your thoughts to the one you love. See, too often Christian let their beliefs interfere with their personal relationships and at times it can be devastating. Imagine a son who’s crying out his heart to his parents yet they’re not trying to understand, they’re unable to understand because they’ve been brainwashed by these pastors and fake prophets and ultimately this poor kid overdose on some drugs. If only someone had paid him attention, if only huh.

You also have those parents who can’t seem to let the kid get a word in during conversation so the child end up letting everyone runs all over him and ultimately leads to his demise. I agree there has to be a limit when it comes to parents and children relationship yet how do we decide where to draw the line. Do you just sit back, force the kid to attend Sunday masses, dictate his every move, and enabled him to develop his social skills.

I am a rebel. I’ve always been rebellious. I refused to let my parents chain me. So now it’s hard to pick the phone to even place a call to my mother because my theories and perception of life is different from hers. I used to think that my mother and her husband were ignorant because they wanted to restrict me but as I got older I grew to understand their parental methods and although I don’t approve it, I commend them for the job they’ve done with their kids.

I know they’re proud of me and my accomplishments yet I’ve never heard them say wow, Blake, you’ve done well. Yet whenever I stop by their church, the members know everything that I’ve been doing and they tell me how much of a joy I am to my mom and step dad. I guess through other parties I’ve found out how they feel about me but isn’t it their obligation to kind of let me know how they feel? I guess that’s parents for you, so until then, when that phone rings, I am not going to kill myself and answer it. Yet I got mad love for you mom.

Rebellious son…

Why is it so HARD to get some NOOKIE

I've got this hommie, who is arguably the most negative dude in the world. Hommie knew me in high school, and because he’s Haitian, I’d let him sit at my lunch table, give him free passes to my soccer games, and sometimes I’ll even hook him up with one of my groupies. You got to realize that in high school girls would gravitate towards anyone who was popular or simply because you dress nice or you’re good at a sport, etc. But they wouldn’t give you the time of day if you were JUST a smart dude. It’s like being smart isn’t part of the picture. Being SMART has no rewards except a good education and a good job. If being smart is all you had going for you at my high school, you weren’t getting no play, unless you knew one of the studs/jocks. So this dude happen to know me but when I hook him up with chicks, I always hear bad stories like…stinky feet (pye mayas), stinky arm pits, bad breath (dyol santi), and worst of all, can’t hold a conversation. But I did let him chill with me so he can learn from a true giant. So it’s been 7 years since high school and I can't stand to talk to this dude man. He's 27 years old, had good grades but was to dumb to apply to any colleges until he was 3 years removed from high school, has made a mess of his life, has messed up relationships with every girl he comes in contact with, and worst of all still can’t get some nookie.

So how did I found out, huh??? Well, homeboi sent me a friend request on Myspace and I tend to check out everybody’s page before I approve a friend request. So here I am on this dude’s page and I’m reading his bio…First off this homeboi’s name, threw me off (single for life)…WTF kind of shit is that??? So I am reading the bio and it reads like this

“””MY NAME IS xxxx,I WANT TO BE SINGLEFORLIFE BECAUSE I HAVENT HAD GIRLFRIEND SINCE 13 YEARS AGO. I GOT 15 REJECTIONS AND NO GIRLS LIKE ME.IM ALWAYS LONELY LIKE MR. LONELY BECAUSE I HAVE NOBODY. I GO TO MALL ALONE AND GO TO MOVIE ALONE. I NEVER GO TO HOMECOMING DANCE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I NEVER WENT TO THE PROM DANCE. AND I HAVE NOBODY I NEVER KISS AND IM VIRGIN, SO I WILL STAY SINGLEFORLIFE.””””

And to top it off homeboi got Akon’s lonely playing in the background…

Sometimes I don't think I can continue to communicate with him. He’s always talking about his problems and I am like dude, I am not a social worker nor a psychologist…Go see a shrink or something.

Plus, he has pissed me off by hanging up on me when he doesn't like what I tell him....What it is is that I don't tell him what he wants to hear! He has a history of doing that...He'll hang up on me. Then, wait several weeks before calling me again, and he'll act like nothing ever happened.. He won't even mention his hanging up on me...Just move right along.....

Earlier in the week, he asked me if I was coming home for my ex girlfriend’s wedding, so I told him ‘no’ because I wasn’t invited. Plus, why would I go to her wedding. Haven’t seen this chick since high school and don’t know what made this boy think I’d just fly up to DC for some cheap ass soda. And then he said I should fly him to FL so he can finally get laid… (maybe this dude knows something I don’t. Had no idea FL was a pussy haven) But yo man, this dude’s got "issues." And, what is even sadder is that he's 27 years old with no direction in his life.

But I tell you this, I am going to help him get laid and then drop hiss ass…Even the big chubakka mofos be getting some play from Myspace…so I am going to coach this dude man. What do you folks think…should I help his old grumpy stinky ass get some pussy…it’s not like I am getting any myself but I’m a humanitarian, I am the people’s man…so you decide…if y’all think I should then I will… lol…

Careless and inconsiderate people on the dag-on phone!!!!

If I hit you up on the phone to check up on ya and I proceed to ask, "Did I hit you up at a bad time?"---don’t mess with me and say, "No, you didn't."--But, then, 2 minutes later, you put me on HOLD to have a conversation with your girls, your kids, brothers, sisters, baby daddy, boyfriend and everybody else who’s at your spot....I forbid you for taking me granted and arguing with your relatives about food, water, juice, who did this and that etc… while I am on the phone. At least you should have the decency to put me on MUTE, but when you do happen to come back on the line and I’m able to ask perhaps I should hit you up later, don’t tell me it’s not a problem man because it is. At least for me.

My peoples, I know I am a busy dude but it’s ok to say B, let me hit you back because by keeping me on the phone you’re wasting my freaking time. I understand that things happen at times and you start a conversation and boom, the door bell ring, or kids are crying, or hubby wants to act up. Next time, just say, B, we’re gonna have to catch up later because I have to tend to some in-house mess.

You dig. Because next time any of y’all do that to me, I am hanging up. And don’t bother calling me back too because I am a pro at IGNORING/REJECTING/ & POWERing OFF that dag-on phone.

Still got love for ya though…lol

So forgive me...

So ok, I am entering the prime of my life and day by day I am learning a lot more about myself and my environment. This year has been somewhat lopsided in terms of meaningful events yet I’ve learned so much. I’ve been able to delve deep within myself and carefully analyze my every steps. But before I take this very next step, I am going to apologize to you and you. Yes, you, the future ladies that I am going to meet. The future professional women, baby mamas, model type, cyberspace friends that will grill me about my life, my likes and dislikes, my goals, my five and ten year plan. I am sorry but I will probably not be able to share any of those things with you. See, in order for me to completely open up to you, I must learn to trust you, meaning I will have to metamorphosise into an ‘all women are not the same’ type of guy and that’s not going to happen anytime soon. So, before we proceed any further, I really want you to understand that I don’t need you to bombard me with a whole bunch of questions about my life, my pasts, or my plans. Now, I am more than willing to talk politics, music, black community, America, and everything else. But I need you to give up on the fact that you believe you can change me. That’s not going to happen lady, so stop it.

In case I happen to take you out on a date, I need you to know that I am going to be a gentleman but the minute you flip the script on me, I am going to bounce. I need you to just let me be, let me grow to like you and eventually we might have something. You dig. So ladies, let’s take it slow, one kiss at a time ok. I need you to follow my directions that’s why I offer my deepest and most sincere apology to you and you…now will you forgive me when I can’t tell you why I don’t believe in love anymore, so let me make it easy for you…How can she love thee yet is carrying someone else’s kid? Will you believe me when I can’t tell you exactly why it’s painful to trust women? Well once again, let me make it easy for you, the feeling of being lied to and manipulated and having to find out through a magazine that your supposed girlfriend was dating another man. Will you forgive me when I refuse to open up about my past relationships??? Will you forgive me when I tell you that I cannot trust you…just because…I know you will oppose so just in case you happen to read this blog entry, expect the moment, prepare your reaction, so that you will be able to forgive me when I tell you…

TBD…thanks for the inspiration…

t'es une copine superbe...

My dose of reality is deep. On this very day, I realized who and what is important to me. My friendships that have been attained these past few years are seriously priceless to me. I have a lot of hommies, we catch up here and there but nothing serious. But this once chick, I definitely consider her a friend. She and I we met on the net. But the minute we met, it was just a match. She and I had a lot in common and when I needed to vent she was always there not only to listen but to offer some type of advice. She never made me feel like I was wasting her time. In actuality, she and I have seen each other only once but we catch up on a weekly basis. We’re always on the text, IM, e-mail etc.

In the past, I’ve never really been able to maintain friendships with women simply because things would get out of hands. Feelings would develop and next thing you know, we’re boning, and then the friendship is messed up for good. But nah, not this one. This chick and I, the only boning that’s gonna take place is if she and I are sucking on some chicken bones together. Other than that, we’re good. We know where we stand and the love we have developed for each other is genuine. I have a few important folks in my life but this chick, whenever I decide to get married or have a girlfriend; she’s going to remain part of my life. Wifey’s gonna have to understand that she and I are a special package and hopefully wifey will develop a friendship with her too so that we’re all on the same level.

Shawty, I know I don’t be expressing feelings to you but hope you know that you’re my shawty for life. Always going to remain special and hopefully soon we’ll get to kick it with each other. We’re running close to five years now and can’t wait to multiply that. I know you’re under a lot of stress with your mother being sick and sister acting up but I got your back love. Now, all you gotta do is find you a dude so you can leave them fingers alone…lol…J

Dom, you’re SPECIAL. t'es une copine superbe. I love you so incredibly much!!