So one “pleur”

So I decided to make that phone call that elusive phone call that I’ve eluded for the past few months. I decided to dial the numbers not because I was curious or anything but because deep down I care. I wanted to know what was going on, how one was feeling, how one adjusting to life without me, I needed to know if one still feel like I should have stayed.

Rumors has it one hasn’t been the same ever since my departure, one has been going out a lot more, hanging out with a lot of bad people and making a lot of bad decisions. I wish I could help out but I cannot. I have my own issues to deal with so what makes one think that I have the time to worry about one’s problems.

I spoke to my mother, she begged me to call one and put some sense into one. She felt I could help one alleviate the stress because ever since I left one hasn’t been one. One has always been crazy thus is one of the many reasons one and I never got along but maybe my mom is right. I do need to talk to one because maybe I can bring one some inspiration, maybe I can apologize for leaving the way I did or maybe I can just offer some type of advice.

Truth is I’ve been so disappointed in one that I don’t really have anything to say to one. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to talk to one but at last one is my little brother, so I have to be there and support him regardless of his past indiscretions. I am indeed disappointed in him but hey, I had to make that phone call. After all, he is my brother and he needs my guidance…

So he cries…

Blowing off some steam…I am still angry

I am very angry, so forgive the cusring in this entry. It’s as if this thing just happened today, so I am very ANGRY right now.

So she called me around 10 to let me know that she was driving 30 miles up the road to hang out with some friends. It was kind of suspicious to me because it’s the first day of the work week and knowing that she has had a hard time falling asleep, I thought she would take some pills go to bed and get some rest after a long and arduous day. Now, I am paranoid when it comes to things like that. The minute something is out the norm, I tend to question it. I like consistency but this once chick was anything but. She likes to take weekend trips and her phone be mysteriously not working for the night. But like every other trick out there, she normally blames it on her phone subscriber. I’m so easy to get along with as long as we’re both on the same page. If you want to trick around, just let me know so I can find me another chick to hang out with. But don’t fucking attempt to play mind games. I hate when people use the world love in vain. I could honestly kill a bitch for that.

So this trick left her home and head out there to hang out with her malecaller. She ended up spending the night over there and then when she called me the next morning, bitch made it seem like she had an early meeting with her boss, so she had to be out the house very early. Like Dieon Sanders, I played it cool. I just said ok and went on about my day. Now when I asked her for the truth, she said, well, I hung out with some friends and we all crashed at this place (right). And when I said, oh really, she was like, B, I am on my period (fuck you trick). And then she went on to rant about a compliment I gave some heffa a couple of weeks ago, just so she can justify her act. I am like trick, don’t say shit to me right now man. I don’t even want to deal with you.

Here I am sending this bitch cards, beautiful notes, poems, and doing the gentlemanly thing…and this heffa is out there tricking…i’m going to lose my fucking mind if I ever allow myself to feel attach to any other woman yo… women say this all the time, It’s not worth it to get to know anyone dude out there because they’re all dogs, but yo, I am beginning to realize that everyone is in the same boat. We are all animals yo.

See, here is where I fucked up with this bitch. She has a lot of male friends (can’t get along with females), she’s out of town every weekend (this bitch has been in more cities than Wilt Chamberlain), and she also claims that she deeply care and loves me (bitch what???). Like I said earlier, I don’t have a problem with a woman tricking out there but don’t cross me. The minute you realize that tricking is more important to you, just be like ‘yo B, I need to do me’. And your wish would be granted…I am so easy to get a long with man. Just don’t fucking cross me trick. Yo, I hope I don’t come across this chick ever again man, because it would be on…seriously.

Why did I get married…Terry and Diane?

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So I hit it on the first night...

So she met him at the club, they chatted all night long, it seemed like they have known each other all their lives. And then the unexpected happened, yep, she slept with him. So let me back track for a second, so you can fully have a handle on this…I am sure many of my fellow dudes have been through this before. Remember that time you met that chick at the club, the bar, or that family event, and she seemed like the perfect match, she was pretty, eloquent, secure, intellectual and many more right, remember her, remember how y’all said y’all would stay in touch but then before the night is over y’all ended up sleeping with each other. Do you also remember that last conversation before you penetrated her, yeah, THAT conversation, the one that goes like, “I am not like this, I don’t sleep with dudes I just met. I hope you don’t see me differently after this’ and I am sure many of y’all had the same response ‘nah, why would you say that boo. I don’t know what it is but I am just so feeling you, I have never experienced anything like this before…” and then boom, the shit went in…bust a nut and your little insecure mind start to analyze this event from every freaking angle…

So I had to give you the back story just so you can fully grasp this entry…So not too long ago I was talking to my compadre (that’s Spanish for homeboi) and he was telling me how he met this chick and they did it on the first night. Aight, I am like ok dude, was she worth it? Are you going to see her again? What’s her pulse? (Meaning, what is she saying now, where does she stands?) so he told me shawty was feeling him and they’re thinking about kicking it for good…But wait, he feels like because she slept with him on the first night, well, she probably have done with many other dudes. Now I ain’t going to lie, I am that same guy who be questioning everything about a chick too. I must admit, I am so judgmental like that. I know I am Mr. smooth, I know I can kick game to many and plenty…but hitting it on the first night is special, especially if she presents herself as being meticulous and so hard to get. Bu then again, those be the easiest to hit and run. I know you’re shaking your head as you read that last statement but it’s the truth. The bottom line is, every dude want to hit but we don’t want to hit it too quickly. Hitting it too quickly make you seem very easy but then again it makes us easy too, doesn’t it? So why the double standard one would ask? I am sure any dude would be like, ‘well, we’re dudes man; we’re supposed to do that’. But hold up my dude; just because she let you hit it on the first night, does that really make her easy? Does that really make her a whore? She probably just wanted to make ish easy for you? Did you ever think about that?

Let’s back track once again, remember when y’all first met and when y’all realize that y’all would probably be doing it, what exactly did you say to her bro? Did you oppose to the idea of sleeping with her? I bet you didn’t. Matter of fact, you told her that it was a spur of the moment thing, you told her that it didn’t matter what happened that night because it wouldn’t change your opinion of her…but hold up though, you messed up. Why did you start fronting a week after all this happened? Why did you start acting and not returning her calls even after you told her you would? So what was the problem then?

See I am a ladies man and I know this because I have 26 years in this game…yes you read right, I have 26 years in this game…and I am sure you’re asking yourself, how old is this fool? Well, I am 26. I’ve been kicking game ever since I was born, so yes, I am a veteran, don’t believe me, check the definition of a veteran and you’ll see my name right after yours. But let me get back to making my damn point, before your crazy ass interrupted me with all your crazy thoughts… The idea of sleeping with a girl on the first night is cool, all players want it that way therefore it’s kind of like sex with no strings attached. But I hate when we as guys take it too far. If you meet a nice young lady, who happens to sleep with you on the first night and if during y’all conversation you agreed to do this, which means you both are involved. I understand that as time progress you may not like her anymore but please don’t make it seem like it’s because she slept with you after the first night. We’re so insecure that we cannot face these innocuous speed bumps. Men tend to say that they don’t like to chase women but in truth we get so apprehensive when the pussy is right there in our face. They don’t like it when a woman makes it easy on them but they end up judging that individual…so my question is, what kind of men are you???

I know what kind of dude I am, a very insecure dude when I deeply analyze what I just wrote. I am that same dude that would not give her a call after I hit that on the first night, I am that same dude who verbally say he likes the chase when in fact I want it on a silver platter, I am that same dude who’s asking you what kind of men you are…in fact, I am the dude.

What kind of men am i??? The jury is still out on that one…but I…I give….hmmmm….i give…Much love to all my strong black women out there. Much love to those who doesn’t mind sleeping with a dude on the first night and still get him to stick by her without judging her actions. Much love to you because I am so stuck in my own ways that I have yet to accept the fact that you’re so feeling me that you would let me hit it on the first night…Much luv to all my sexy black women. You deserve better…

Patience...

It’s arguable to say that everyone has been through a bad relationship. Everyone has been through one those where things seem to perfect at the beginning and by the time the relationship reach its climax, everything just ascend to ground zero. I’m one of those who have been through a couple of those rough relationships, I must admit though, during the good times, everything was peachy. But when it was bad, it sunk real low. It was a tale of two end;

Just the other day I was thinking about the things that were said to me and this is verbatim “now I can say that I was the one who messed it up.” Those words are supposed to make me feel better because for so long I thought I had done something wrong. I had thought of every scenario, I revisited our last conversation and I couldn’t come up with anything. But when I heard those words, it made me feel worse. Because this woman was always telling me how much she cares and how much she loves, so now why would you mess everything up on purpose? “I am just messed up, you wouldn’t understand B”. I bet she thought I would be feeling better after that last line but no, why would I ? My thinking was, if I am supposed to be He that you want or feel like you need, then why didn’t you discuss your issues with me? Why must you tell me now after all this time??? What reaction was she expecting?

I admit we had some issues but who doesn’t? All relationships go through them. Sometimes it’s a matter of who can put up the most with each others crap. “if I were more patient and flexible, it would have worked,” she said. I am still shaking my head about that one… Patience is a virtue, some has, some don’t. I’ve learned my lessons though, can’t everything be all peachy and gravy when you want them to. Sometimes you must go through the rough patches just so you can appreciate the better days…

Better days are so near…I can feel it…

VA stand up!!!!