07 Reflections

The past few days I’ve really been keeping to myself. Part of it has to do with me being on vacation but I’ve been thinking over and over about the refrain from this track by Eryka Badu's how good it is..... How good it is.... how good is...When I think about it, I haven’t been only blessed, I’ve literally been transcended to this new mindset. It’s funny because I finally feel like my old self again, before the transformation. I feel like I am where God intended for me to be. I’ve been blessed. The Lord has been good to me. He didn’t just capture me out of no where, he’s gotten me to a whole new dimension. Even in the midst of family tragedy, he has allowed me to feel like time and space and the cares of this life don’t matter. The purest form of his spirit has been revealed. In a previous entry, I alluded to leaving the church because of the people. And this year, even after I lost a couple family members, people kept on telling me to pray and go back to church, yet I couldn’t give in. But I tell y’all man, I’ve given in, I have succumbed to him and believe me or not, it has made a whole lot of difference.

I am happy. I am really happy. No, it has nothing to do with my new place or the new ride, it’s another form of joy. I am happy because the Lord has found me pleasing enough to restore what was lost to me. He has given me a chance to redeem my soul and elevate myself where I can let him be the guide. He has placed me in a situation by shifting people and moving blocks and open new doors just to empower my life just so I can use this new found wisdom.
I’ve failed many times this year. Not because I wasn’t prepared but mostly due to my arrogance and cockiness. There’s no arrogance with God, this man will put you back in your place, and earlier this week, when it seemed like I was losing it, God gave me the strength to overcome this test. I passed with flying colors and I truly believe it is his way of telling me that 2008 will be better than 07. 4 deaths in the family, mother being hospitalized for an extended period, I got diagnosed with a chronic kidney problem, and one of my little brother’s got himself in serious trouble with the law. I mean, it has been gruesome to say the least. But with this new found wisdom, I think it will launch me to my next level. ‘tis the year for me to get back to where I used to be and I am gearing up for great things.

In the past few months some hommies have left, others have returned, made peace with the first, forgave the last, and dropped a confused mind. My idea of family has changed; I’ve broken generational curses and mundane ideals. I’ve commanded greatness from those I consider friends and decided not to take it to heart if they fall off track. I’ve had to walk away from a few people mainly because they were confusing the heck out of me. You had those hommies who didn’t know what role they should play in your life, and you also had those chicks who were confused about wanting a friendship, a sexual relationship, or simply a relationship. I am so focused right now that I am not willing to wait for anyone to make up their minds and take me off my track. And that goes for family, acquaintances, hommies, and friends. You know the feeling when you’ve had enough right and it seem like you can’t be hurt or faze by anything right, well, that’s where I am at. I have forgiven those who have shitted on me and I hope they understand that I must walk away. Part of this new wisdom is to realize when people are walking all over you and try your best to rid them out your life. I finally realized that life is worth living and worth living merrily. Everyone deserves that and in order to live like that, you need to surround yourself with people who will bring joy to your life. It’s so annoying to call someone and have them piss you off or mess up your mood. No one is worth that much. If all you do is piss me off, then what’s the point of keeping your number? The people in your life should help edify and fortify what God is doing, hopefully they are able to grow with you and speak life into you. Encourage and sharpen you, help you get on track if you lose your way! And respect your gifts and also love you for your imperfections.

Even in the midst of family tragedy, I feel so anew. For the year 2008, I’d simply love for God to keep me grounded and focused. I’d also like for him to help me regain my trust in people and also help me to love the ones in and out my life and treat them with the respect they deserve!

Merry Christmas

The New Year isn’t even here yet and already I feel so anew; New place, new motives, no swag, new motto and better yet some peace of mind. I am finally at peace with everything in my life and I am loving every second of it.

I want to take some time out to thank you for coming through my spot on a regular basis. I know you could have been anywhere on the web but you chose this place, so there must be something I am doing or maybe you’re just being loyal to me. Regardless of your reasons for coming here, I want you to know that I am grateful. I am not sure if you can comprehend my many reasons for blogging. All I can say is, this is my sanctuary, it’s my ‘me’ time, and I there’s no where else I’d rather be expressing them.

I wish you a merry Christmas, be safe on the road and keep in mind it isn’t always about the gifts. Much love and I’ll get y’all in my last blog for the year.
Gros bisous a tous…much love and kisses.

Taking Responsibilities

Should I be held accountable for missing you? Or should I just say, it was my choice to love you, so the cost of that love is my burden and my burden alone?

I mean, look at it this way, how can I take responsibility for you leaving? I know you claimed that I wasn’t enough for you, but is that really my fault? Last I checked I gave it my all, so you cannot say I didn’t try hard enough. What else was there?

Ok, I get it. Now I should take responsibility for being hurt? Or maybe I should have managed my emotions? Or is it because I loved you unconditionally and allowed you to go in and out as you pleased?

How can I take responsibility for all the mess you put me and my family through? What do I say to acknowledge the part I played in this?

Dad, why can’t I just blame you for this???

Season of Life: a boy' journey to manhood

I just finished reading this great book entitled “Season of Life” by Jeffrey Marx. It’s really not your typical biography. This book is deeper than that. The story is about this former professional football star turned Minister and high school football coach. This book entails some very interesting aspects of a men’s spiritual and mental being. It delves into some issues that some men go through during our lifetime. It is a journey of a boy into manhood.

In this piece, Jeffrey Marx is interviewing this Minister and Coach and one thing they touched on is the ‘false masculinity’. The author discusses three different components to false masculinity that we have accepted as a society and we use that as a measuring stick as to what separate a real man from a boy. The three elements listed were: Athletic ability, sexual conquest and economic success. I read on about each specific factor, I begun to analyze the people around me and found concrete examples of how true this theory is really is. And then it suddenly hit me, I began to question myself and whether or not I am in fact one of those dudes affected by ideas of false masculinity. I asked why I did certain things and wondered if I was fixated with the act of declaring myself a man to my peers and the rest of the world.

The results of this deep introspection provided me with answers that I was very satisfied with yet I couldn’t help it but to ask myself some serious questions like, why do I love sports so much? Why do I feel the need to have sex? I also asked myself about the word success and my definition of it? Where did the idea of success come from? And how much of a factor does economic advancement play in my pursuit of success? And if success and money goes hand in hand? According to the Minister in “season of life”, success isn’t related to any of the things I was thinking about. He claims that the relationships that you have built with people are the true measurements of success. He backed up his claims with this, imagine a wealthy businessman with all the money in the world, yet he has failed at his marriage and doesn’t even know his own children. One thing I’ve learned though, regardless of my economical success, the act of making all of my personal relationships work with friends and family will always be a priority…

As the holiday season approached, I urge you to think of your relationship with those you love, those you claim to love and evaluate where you stand. Take a deeper look within you and imagine what your life would be like without the support of that homeboi, the advice of that sister, the unconditional love of that companion, imagine…I urge you to.

Happy Holidays folks… This is only the beginning.

Nookie update...and more

I know what you’re thinking. It has been a minute since my last entry! Well, it’s been a tough week for me and I’ve been suffering from writer’s block but I am back. As the end of 07 gets closer, the picture for me is getting clearer. I have a lot of things that I said I would do this year and I’ve yet to do them. So this week while putting everything in perspective, I realized that I’ve yet to attend a hockey game this year because it was on my agenda of things to do this year, I love the Pittsburg Penguins. I’ve loved them ever since the day I saw Mario Lemieux played, so even though I won’t be able to catch the Penguins, I am going to see the FL Panthers next week and tonight I am going to see my boy Gilbert Arenas. The hometown team is visiting the Miami Heat, so I am going to make my way down there tonight after work and catch a game. Should be nice cuz I’ve been on text messages with Gil and although he’s out with a knee injury yet he’s still talking crap. So that’s 2 things out the way.

I was also thinking about the situation with my ex girlfriend, and how things ended I really get a terrible feeling in my stomach. Some of the things that we had to go through were mentally draining. 2 weeks after we broke up, I found out she’s dating this cat. It’s funny because I had to find out through the net. But it’s ok now because I got my swagger back. There’s definitely a lot that’s going to change for me in ’08. The main thing is that I am running in ’08 debt free. I’ve paid off everything and I am ready to roll.

For some reason, I have been reading a lot more lately. I don’t know if it’s a maturity level that I have reached, but I have never been so into books the way that I am now. In my younger days I would read, but only certain section of the news paper, or specific books/novels. Now it seems that there is so much more that pertains to me and that interests me. I guess I am getting older! Also folks, I am editing my book, The Perfect Execution, so look out for that in 08. I was writing the book and the film at the same time so it’s been very crazy on me. But editing should take no more than 6 months. So hopefully it’ll be a birthday present to my ex or something.


I hate making New Years resolutions because by mid January they seem to be old and forgotten. However, I do have some goals for 2008 that I would like to accomplish. I want to get seriously disciplined when it comes to saving money. And I want to be more health conscious, specifically when it comes to exercise. I’m not getting any younger and there’s no better time than the present to do a better job of taking care of my temple. I also would like to go back to church. Now starting on January 6th 2008, I am going back to church. So if you live in the South Florida area and you know of a good church, please let me know because Pastor Blake is going back to church.

Lastly though, my boy finally got some nookie. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and now I am trying to get him to change his MySpace page. He says that I have to write the content for him. So I guess when I get back from vacation, I’ll do it. I’ll keep you guys updated as this man is finally getting himself some regular pussy….

The O effect

So I spent some time watching the Oprah/Obama circus yesterday I couldn’t help but wonder about the influence of Oprah in the lives of Americans, specifically, Black Women. Now we all are aware of the good deeds that Ms Winfrey has done, we’re also aware of the influence her talk show has had, but can she really help this untested politician win the votes of Americans. Should we listen to Oprah and vote for Obama because she believes he’s the right candidate??? Should you cast your misgivings aside now that the Big O has thrown her weight behind this dude?

We all know that Obama is a good dude. His track record speaks for itself but is he ready to take on the role of being the most powerful man in the world??? Is he ready to take orders from Bush’s older brother, Mr. Ben Laden? Maybe Oprah has analyzed every possible angle and believes that we the people should elect this man because he is ready to lead and take this country to the next level. I’d like to think that she’s a smart woman but her endorsing Obama will not sway me and hope it doesn’t coerce the rest of America to vote for Obama because of her support.

I like Obama. I think he is an asset to America and the uphill movement. Is he ready for the throne??? Maybe not but he isn’t too far behind Hilary or Edwards. Oprah is a celebrity and she’s voicing her preference, maybe she could have done it in a quiet manner but then again she is one of the most influential women in the world. Does she speak for Black Women in America? To a certain extent, I think so, due to her ‘I did it my way’ approach. She got to the top without much help and Black Women, black folks give her a lot of respect for that.

So as the elections approach, the circus gets crazier, and people like Oprah will try to help you make up your mind, or they’ll it for you. I urge you to pick ka candidate from each side and analyze the pros and cons of each. At this very moment, I am somewhat torn between Obama, Clinton and Paul. I am still doing my homework and hopefully you are too. Voting is what the half of the world hope they could do, so being here in the states give you that privilege…take advantage and make your vote count.

Don’t let the celebrity effect influence your vote…

The caged bird shall fly...

So here I was chillin’ on the porch on this very cold night. Not even a single cloud up there yet the stars are not shining that bright, it’s probably the darkest night of the fall season. My phone went off, so I answered, been a while since she called but on this very night, I could tell she had something to say. She sounded happy, so in turn, I was happy for her. Asked her what was up, she said she was getting ready to go out on a date and she and I could no longer make moves to become one. Because I didn’t take her seriously, I made light of her statement, but on this very night, shawty was serious. She started screaming and saying a whole bunch of stuff. She linked me to a criminal and many other professions her limited brain cells could conjure. What was my crime I wondered? What did I do this time? See, the whole time I’ve known this being, she had been pretty consistent. She enjoyed conjugating her verbs especially the verb ‘to do’. She often call and use it in the past tense like’ Blake, I know you did this” other times she would put her Miss Cleo hat on and say “ I know you’re going to do” and when I confessed to something that she doesn’t approve, oh boy, ‘ motherfucker you did what’? But through it all, I had a soft spot for her…so I let her get away with things. But tonight though, it was her turn to speak. She had her thinking cap on so as limited as her vocabulary was, she was going to use all of them SAT words on me. But she got me though, I felt like a freaking criminal waiting on the charges to be read to me and then boom she lowered her voiced and dropped them on me.

She accused me of not stepping up to the plate, she charged me with having too many options, and she also deemed that i was too focused on my work and career. I was surely taken aback by all these allegations yet I couldn’t tell her I truly feel because for once, I wasn’t going to fight back. I was going to let her go before things could get any serious. She wanted to go and her actions displayed. I needed her to stay but I had to let her go ‘for she wasn’t mine. She never gave me her love yet she felt the need to take it away. Deep within though, I was in tears but I couldn’t let it be known. I had to be strong for all those brothers out there who like to take their time and make sure that whatever situation they go into, it is in their best interest. I ain’t want this heffa to force me to commit but then again I never reneged on my intentions. She knew where my heart was, all she had to do was give me time. But oh no, shawty couldn’t wait. She needed to get pretty and go to fancy restaurants, ordering crazy dish like fillet mignon, and sippin’ on 5-star champagne from places that she can’t even point to on a map. She wanted the glitz, so when she said her peace I said peace too. You cannot cage a bird, you have to let it fly and find its own way home. I was ready to let this bird go, not because I didn’t care, but because I refused to let someone control my shit. I refused to accept this ultimatum. Like Pac says, ‘my momma ain’t raise no fool’.

For a moment, I thought our companionship would grow, but I guess now we’ll never know how the high seeds we planted would develop. I’ve always believed that you couldn’t or shouldn’t miss something that was never yours but the hope that this situation presented was far greater than many others, the joy and meaning she brought, although fleetingly, it was sufficient enough to make one wonders.

So why is she dating again??? She found in them what I couldn’t provide. Like Mariano Rivera, she needed a closer but for whatever reason I was only a middle inning reliever. So today, I learned a child’ lesson. One’s heart is not something that can be seized, no matter how much one may love.

11-29-03

Don't give up on black America Yet

I wrote this article for Blacknews.com a while back. I figured i'd share it with you folks.


Don't Give Up on Black America Yet!
Social Experiment Asks "What Would You Do To Change Black America?"

Washington, DC (http://www.BlackNews.com) - Finding the solutions to the issues of African Americans or should we say "Black America" has somewhat been viewed as a lost cause. However, a single parent from Alexandria, Virginia seems to disagree. Shelly Bell, African American Author (All Women are Stupid Sometimes) and elementary school teacher introduces "The LMPG Experiment."

"LMPG" stands for "Let My People Go" and is an attempt to free the minds of Black America by simply asking the question "What would you do to change Black America?" This question has never been so bluntly asked to African Americans of various socioeconomic classes. "The purpose is to get the media and the black community to get their focus off of the problems and generate some solutions," Shelly comments.

Everyone has their own excuses for not doing more in the Black Community such as finances, time, opportunity, etc. The LMPG Experiment puts an end to those excuses by challenging African Americans to ponder upon solutions to our issues. The question will be posed to families from the wealthiest communities to middle class families and low income developments. Will the pool of responses spark Black America as a whole to begin to work together? Send in your response and see!

For an outline of the project and information about how to participate visit http://www.imanisbookshelf.com or email shelly@imanisbookshelf.com


CONTACT:
Bleky Seide
Prodg.ent.promotions@gmail.com

Dec 26...

So the holiday spirit is almost over, the bills will be rolling in, you log into your bank account and you notice that you’ve exhausted all your funds, you log into your credit cards account and you’re grimacing at your bills and all the money you just blew.

I know you’re probably reading this and saying to yourself, what is the big deal? Well, January first is right around the corner, so that means the rent is due, the car and insurance payments, the cell phone and the gas bill is due, and don’t forget the electricity. Oh the beauty of the holidays??? To me, the holidays are just extra spending days that someone high power designated to break the pockets of poor people. The poor gets poorer while the rich, well, they get richer.

Unfortunately for me and probably for you too, everyone wants something. The girlfriend, the kids, the parents, they all want to be honored on that day. It’s like a simple phone call or an e-mail better yet an e-card doesn’t do it anymore. See, I am guess I am partially lucky. It’s been a while since I’ve had a girlfriend during the holidays, it seems like we break up right before thanksgiving and hook back up right after Valentines Day. Lol. The thing is most women simply could not stand the "embarrassment" of being humiliated, hearing their female-friends brag about the toys they got for x-mas. Of course, the children would never mentally survive in this day and time. So the poor black man feels that he MUST submit to the myth that you need to buy a gift for the kids.
So last week, I called some of my family members who might be expecting a gift from me, especially my little sisters Erminah and Emma(she’s my god-daughter, she big bro got her something nice for her first x-mas. I asked them all what they were getting me for xmas, couldn’t ask Emma since she’s just now starting to crawl, but they all said they didn’t need to give me a gift because they have no money. So I said ok, would it be alright if didn't give you guys any gifts this year? And they all started to whine” why Blake, why?” so I said because I don’t have any money. Well, I finally convinced Erminah but she did say not to forget her birthday. So, I guess I am off the hook for now. But here me out folks, I think it’s extremely important to talk to our kids and educate them about money. Most kids are skilled and quite educated on consuming, but the science of money is much more complex than the several thousand ways one can spend it.

But if you are one who cares about the gifts and the glitz, by all means, do your thing. I am not saying that you shouldn’t. If you have it, flaunt it, ain’t that what they say these days. Well, even if you’re going to spend all of next year struggling again, because instead of using your assets to empower you, you much rather spent what little money you might have had on I-Phones and X-Box 360s and made their already bad credit worse. So please, don’t worry about my little blog entry, just go crazy with the holiday shopping.

Last I check though, Merry Christmas was still acceptable.

All good she was...

So here I am sitting on this flight, plane ready for lift up and deep within I want to get off this aircraft for I have unfinished business in this city. Purpose of my flight: a faceless user whom I met on a very windy day in the nation’s capital while making a pit stop. A mysterious face that was able to capture my attention like few of her predecessors. Different, she was; Meticulous, oh yeah; Beautiful, no doubt. She reminded me of Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess. In deed, she had it all. A pit stop led to two to three month’s exchange of deep and intellectual questions ranging from sex to politics to life and afterlife. There were no boundaries, attracted to her, I was. For in a very long time, someone was able to keep my attention for more than a second, at last, I was challenged. It felt good to be challenged by this mysterious woman. It was enchanting. Her answers were out the ordinary, nevertheless, they made sense. It was a new perspective which I had thirst for, it was new to me, never thought it existed until I met her. She stood out like no other yet I had my reservations.

They say truth is a great flirt; well, this woman was a great flirt. I finally managed the nerves to send her my mathematics and while she downplayed this momentous exchange yet she was nervous about the possibilities of not having to type away her answers anymore. At last, she would have me on the phone where she can analyze my every breath, the pauses in between answers, and of course, she gets to hear my sexy voice. So first the night she called, I was upset. I don’t pick up private calls and here comes this chick thinking that I should change my ways just because she feels like she special. Heck, what was she thinking? Who in the world told her she was special? Just because she was pretty and possessed many good qualities, I wasn’t going to change my philosophy. So I picked up her call and told her to call me when she was ready to call me without blocking her digits.

A couple of days later, she finally got up the nerves to call. We spent a few minutes on the phone and I came away impress. I wanted more yet I didn’t know what exactly. I am sure many of you have had this feeling, this empty feeling where you feel like this person is sent to fill this void yet you aren’t sure what role this person should play. Nevertheless, we kept on talking until one day she requested that I pay a visit to the windy city. I hadn’t been there in ages. This city, the home of some of the world’s greatest figures, and here I am touching down on a very wintry day. As I made way to my hotel, all I could think about was the very first encounter. I’ve been meeting women since birth so you can say I am a pro at this but this particular woman had me nervous. The way I felt about this encounter reminded me of another blast from the past. A very unique and beautiful blast who had my attention till the very end when she digged a hole in me. While I was praying for better results this time yet I am not naïve to think that she was going to be perfect. Such exist not.

Finally, we linked up for a late night dinner. She came off Broadway and the minute I saw her, it was all good. Indeed, she was everything I anticipated. She had on this bright yellow T-shirt and a pair of tight ice-blue jeans. The jeans stretched on her legs up to half-a-foot above her toes, leaving the rest of her tanned legs revealed and followed by a pair of blue sandals with a slightly raised heel. She was laughing all the way to the car, her eyes shone like two twinkling stars. Her every smile increased her beauty by many times. I did not realize how much I was enjoying those moments until I got on this flight. So we made our way to the restaurant and we were pretty much in synch the whole time. Hold up; there was one little problem though, she was too loud. I actually had to tell her that she was loud. It was no big deal but then again I didn’t want everyone at the place to hear our conversation, so I kindly asked to tone the hell down. And she did beautifully. We ended up spending hours together, talking about everything humanly possible. The vibe was there; the connection? Undeniable. it was indeed a Haitian connection.

So we made way to my hotel room. Little did she know, I had a surprise waiting for her. Candle lights were set, bath was drawn and the only thing missing was my slow jams. At last, we found our jam, we grooved till we couldn’t groove no more. It was on.

So I drove her home and here I am now sitting on this plane thinking about getting off and extending my stay for an extra night for I have unfinished business. Should I stay or should I go? I’ll see her again, soon, and very soon.

10-10-03

Dang.

Can’t sleep. My mind is racing. Going crazy. Dang, I can’t even think straight. I’ve been betrayed. Again. Dang.

Check your Status...

In a recent published research, it was reported that 1 out of 20 Washington DC residents are living with the HIV virus and 80% of those victims are African American. It was also reported that the HIV virus was brought to America by Haitians. Now while I will not comment on the ladder yet I feel like it’s not ime for the world to start accusing anyone nation of this horrific disease that have claimed the lives of so many world leaders, young prominent African Americans and many of our loved ones.

As the world celebrate International Aids day, I truly want to encourage all of fellow brothers and sisters to check their status. The virus is circulating at an all time high and many of those who are living with it will not tell you before engaging in sexual relationship with you, so you need to make sure you force your partner to use a condom. I know there are times where you cannot control the urges; you just want to quickly get in and get out. But think about those world leaders who have suffered at the hand of this disease, imagine the urged they had that night after meeting that shawty, imagine the feeling of penetrating her without a condom, and now imagine the pain, humiliation and ridicule they suffered at the hands of their friends and family. It’s ok to take your time and strap up and ladies, please don’t worry about being labeled a ‘fast one’ for having condoms in your purse. If you don’t protect yourself then who will. Strap up before you reck yourself.

1 love.