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Monday, August 25, 2008

When is it ok to sacrifice for love???

So my boy called and he’s telling me about his new chick. From the minute he mentioned her name, I knew it was a complex individual. Shawtie’s name is Hypatia. This chick was name after none other than the philosopher from Alexandria, a woman whose work got buried because no one wanted to believe her crazy conclusions. For example, she believed that human beings were incapable of understanding reality. In any event, my boy told me that this chick was somewhat of a reincarnation of the philosopher yet he was into her. I am not one to question my friends’ choice of women so I said well, good luck and keep me posted.

Then he went on to ask me, is it wrong for me to want to change in order to be with the person my heart desire? When is it ok to sacrifice for love?

Never, I said to myself but I couldn’t say that to my good ol childhood buddy who was seeking my most sincere opinion. So my first question to him, how long have you known this person? It was followed by, what about her that make you want to change your ways in order to be with her? So he said to me, “I know this person quite like I know myself, and I am in the process of getting to know both of us even better.”

What does that all means, I said? In a sense, one must examine all the things that you have learned, whether from the streets, classroom, parents, friends etc. You have to somehow examine your history and see if you’re the type to compromise your own happiness. Although I didn’t know much about this woman yet one thing rings true, she was very controlling and knowing my boy, he doesn’t like to be controlled. But here he is being all submissive; this chick must have done something to this boy.


So for those of you who didn’t fully understand the first answer my boy gave me, here’s a breakdown. He’s getting to know her as he gets to know himself, and in the process he’s falling in love with her. To me I think it’s a scary situation because until one fully understands oneself it’s tough to allow someone else in. But then again change is necessary for growth.

So as you read this entry, just share your thoughts on the question above. It’s in bold for those of you who cannot differentiate between a question and a statement.

22 comments:

  1. i dont think there's a generalized answer to that question for people may find different reasons in their relationships and lives to want to change. There are different sacrifices, will the sacrifice be detrimental to your health or jeopardize other aspects of your life? Again, it all depends on many other aspects, you cant make sacrifices without weighting the pros and cons, will there be consequences? is that what you really want to do? It's never wrong to want to change or make sacrifices for the one you love, only you will know when it's ok to do so. However, it is crucial that these decisions are made without pressure, you must know that's what you want because you may end up resenting your loved one if at the end of the road you realize that you made a mistake. In my opinion, making sacrifices while you getting to know someone is a recipe for trouble, you dont know the person yet, and if he's getting to know himself as well, where is the foundation of this decision making?
    Sacrifices are hard, will take time to adjust, do you know each other well enough to get through the relapse that it may involve? It is indeed a scary situation!!!
    DB

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  2. I actually know someone named hypatia. Is she from Canada? Hm...

    There are two different unrelated things going on here. Number one, is this girl part of a cult? How does she know she is the reincarnation of hypatia? I do believe in reincarnation in the sense that we are all souls growing and evolving and this is not our first experience as souls, but I am very leary of people who go around saying that they are so and so's reincarnation. Believe me, there are some very manipulative spiritual people out there and it can be scary. The truth is your friend has to walk his own path and learn his lessons. This can be good for him one way or another. There's a reason he is attracted to her. Also, people have to learn to not over involve their friends in their relationships.

    The second part has nothing to do with the first really. One can not wait until one knows oneself to fall in love. What do you mean by one can not open up until one knows one self? Are you kidding me? There is nothing more beautiful than love. It's beautiful to grow and get to know each other. I don't see how that is a sacrifice. Love is so beautiful. When you love someone you love them and you know it and you feel it. Love is meant to be expressed through kind words and gestures. However short lived love, love is always beautiful and infinite. I think the problem comes when we start restricting love by saying things like I can got get to know you because I do not know myself and I can not open up because I do not know myself. Or when we feel love and we don't express it because we want to appear soft. That's not love, that's fear. Major fear. Love is so beautiful man.
    As for change, well we have to change in life. We have to change for ourselves and for the ones we love. For instance, a mother who drinks and smoke and is pregnant should learn to change those habits for her baby. It's ok to change for our love ones. For instance a guy who is always hanging out with his homeboys drinking should change for his woman and his family and make more time for her. We can't have it all in life, so we always have to change, grow and make choices. I changed for my man for the better and I am happy with my hubby. We both changed for each other and grew together and continue to grow. That's important. Our friends on both sides know not to get in between our relationshisp, and we are each other's best friends. I think you may be confusing
    Changing with losing oneself.you can change withou losing yourself, and change for the better.

    If this girl is not in a scary cult, I say your friend should enjoy the moment. Love her and get to know each other. What's so scary with falling in love. What is he really sacrificing? How is she controlling? How is he submissive? The only weird thing is the reincarnation, but that may just be her belief because she feels a connection to the philosopher. I have felt connected to a lot of hystorical figures and from time to time may say I feel like I am the reincarnation of so and so, but I don't really mean it. It may just be that for her and nothing deeper.

    And as for complex, what's wrong with her being complex? I have been reading your blog, and I think that you are very complex. Perhaps, too complex for your own good does that mean that you don't deserve love? At least your friend is not dating a chicken head with no depth.

    Pardon my passion but I am a sucker for love. Love, love, love. I love love and I say we all need to love more. In fact being in love is one of the great ways to get to know ourselves.

    Hope I followed your question vs. Comment. Guidelines Mr. Arsenic lol

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  3. I have a question for you. When does one fully understand one self? How does one know that one has fully understood one self and can now open up?

    I find your statement fascinating, because I think love is something of the heart not of the mind. Also, how does one get to know another without letting he or she in? I think you can know more about someone in a month by spending time with one another and opening up than people who have know each other for years and never opened up. Love is about chemistry and feeling a connection with this person. Love doesn't have all these strict guidelines. Of course, there's always the risk of getting hurt, but if you learn to love without being afraid of hurt, you love deeper and if it doesn't work, you recover faster. I don't get people who linger in their pain and close themselves because of aome bad experience.

    Please remember to answer the questions.

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  4. When does one fully understand one self?
    While it may seems like the easiest thing in the world but understanding oneself is very complex. To fully understand oneself you simply have to accept the person that you are, with all your flaws and allow other people to see and love you as is. Knowledge is infinite so therefore you can never arrive at a point where you fully understand everything about yourself. So in a sense, its unachievable.

    Ps: When I am at work I try to keep everything short. So lets go back at it again now that I have a few minutes to spare. That’s why I deleted everything so we can start from scratch.

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  5. How does one know that one has fully understood one self and can now open up?

    I think it’s on an individual basis. When one clearly understands his own self and what he wants to accomplish, then he’s better prepared to tackle things. I made a reference to carpe diem earlier simply because once you feel like you’re ready, you need to jump on certain occasions that are possibly once in a lifetime. For example, no matter how much I think about Ebony, I will always regret not taking a chance on her. And its been more than 10 years since I last saw her. So in that sense, seizing the day is important. But then again, sometimes, it may not her that way. You must be patient and realize that meeting the right person will not come overnight.

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  6. I want my readers to know that if i post something its only because i already have an opinion on the topic matter, so therefore, i want you to not just read but question my opinion. I don't need you to agree with me all the time, just want a good debate. If i fail to respond to a paticular question you may have, its only bc of lack of time. So i apologize in advance.

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  7. Now that that's out of the way, I see your point of view and I appreciate you taking the time to give me a proper reply.

    I agree with you getting to know oneself is very complex and possibly one of the hardest thing to do in life. It's tough looking at our shortcomings and flaws and loving our oursleves. I found that once we go through that painful journey, we are more authentic and we can love others with their flaws. It's beautiful when two people love each other despite their flaws. It's also very difficult to reach love at that level. It's too risky and it involves both people taking that risk together. The odds of that happening is rare. Most of the time people show each other their best selves and it so beautiful and intense at the beginning, but never long lasting because they were hiding their flaws.

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  8. Is this girl part of a cult? How does she know she is the reincarnation of hypatia?
    I don’t think she’s part of a cult but then again I didn’t ask that question. It didn’t matter to me, and still doesn’t. She didn’t claim to be a reincarnation of Hypatia, its just that her behavior and way of thinking (google hypatia) reminded me of her to say the least.

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  9. Why are you calling me Ms Brooklyn? Here's my take on this opening up thing.

    Opening up is very tricky business, because if one person does it first and the other doesn't, it causes the first one to close. Or if it is not consistent than it causes the other to shut down.

    I do agree with you that we should take time to know ourselves the good and the bad, but it should not stop us from opening up. And knowing our flaws is not enough. We should learn to change, grow, and improve and at the same time accept ourselves. Very tricky! My favorite prayer is the serenity prayer.

    Lord give me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

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  10. I think we all need to take some time to introspect and reflect on the many intricacies of our lives. We all have innumerable attitudes, reactions, likes and dislikes which at times we would be better off without. But then again, in order to keep it real with your mate, like Ms Brooklyn said in her response, you need to keep your likes and dislikes consistent. You cannot be flip-flopping. Love isn’t politics so you cannot treat it like that.

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  11. Opening up is very tricky business, because if one person does it first and the other doesn't, it causes the first one to close. Or if it is not consistent than it causes the other to shut down.

    Well, I believe that if you open up as much as you need to then its like you’re leaving it all out there on the playing field. If the other party doesn’t reciprocate your openness, then shut it down like M Jordan. Lol.

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  12. What? Lol I thought you said she said she was the reincarnation of hypatia? Then what's so scary about her? If this girl is hypatia, you must be Cyril. I like hypatia. What do you have against a strong, intelligent, free spirited. Woman? Hm... I am calling you cyril from now on. Go read about hypatia and cyril lol

    This is too funny lol what a morning this has been lol

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  13. I like your way of thinking Ms. Brooklyn. But to answer your question, I actually like Hypathia. I think she was brilliant yet her teachings were out the ordinary thus explained why the world had to learn about her from her students. Also, keep in mind how she died. Very tragic, huh?. And do you know why she died like that??? because of her teachings. Cyril the patriarch would have reconciled with Orestes had it not been for the independent, free thinking Hypathia. Socrates attested to all of this, and I being such a follower of Plato and Socrates will defend Cyril. Lol. Also, to think that Cyril didn’t like Hypathia is dubious, he respected her.

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  14. I had to go to a meeting, so I couldn't reply earlier.I hope you are able to respond. You said independent free thinking hypatia as if it is a bad thing? Huh? Wasn't Cyril responsible for hypatia's death? Do you mean to tell me you like both hypatias or just the hypatia of ancient time? You like hypatia yet you think it's scary that this girl reminds you of hypatia? I still don't understand what is scary about the young hypatia.

    I am beginning to think that your friend should protect his girl from you, you might cause fanatics to attack her lol
    Please do not tell me that you pray to saint cyril at night hm...

    Lol I can't stop laughing about this blog today lol

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  15. I have a question. You used the words like and respect as if they are interchangeable. I believe you can respect someone and not like them and vice versa. Often in life we have to decide if we rather be liked than respected such is the choice most managers and leaders have to make. If you're lucky you're both liked and respected. Few people can achieve both.

    I don't doubt that he respected her. Well, actually I do, so I need to read more on it. I do however doubt that he liked her. In fact,I think he despise her. She was probably everything he wasn't and wanted to be.

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  16. Cyril was not responsible for this lady’s death, Peter, the lector did it. The story started when this cat wrote a piece about how Cyril murdered Hypatia but that’s only because he hated Christians.
    My boy got nothing to worry about, I am going to support him and whatever makes him happy that’s what it is. His feeling for his chick doesn’t impact me.

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  17. I was only joking about your friend protecting the girl from you. I guess you didn't get the joke. You come across as very serious. Do you laugh much?


    I have a feeling your friend will be happy with hypatia providing cyril, I mean peter doesn't kill her lol

    Thanks for the entertainment.

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  18. lol. As a matter of fact, I am laughing right now.

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  19. I was only joking about your friend protecting the girl from you. I guess you didn't get the joke. You come across as very serious. Do you laugh much?


    I have a feeling your friend will be happy with hypatia providing cyril, I mean peter doesn't kill her lol

    Thanks for the entertainment.

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  20. B if that's your friend, you should have let the true out, people don't change for people ( you change for your own good).both him and the girl probably would have to adjust to some minor changes in order to please each other but if he changes for her, later in the relationship, his true color will show because he was pretending to be someone he is completely not( remember he is human) and if he is already dating the girl that means, she accepted him for the person he is.

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  21. "So as you read this entry, just share your thoughts on the question above. It’s in bold for those of you who cannot differentiate between a question and a statement."
    ---------------------------------

    Ti Neg Sa-a Frekan Konsa! LOL...

    I missed out on this one, while I was away, it's quite ertertaining though.
    I had to call my close friend Pasquinel's attention to this piece. Apparently, most of his siblings' names are in the contents of this piece. His dad named all of his kids after those great legends.
    That's a typical Haitian man for ya. Lots of kids, lots of big names. It's always fun being introduced to that family for the first time. Everyone is either named after a poet or philosopher, etc. LOL!
    ---------------------------------

    Here's my 2 cents on this topic.

    Love comes from the core of ourselves and is felt from within, when we are happy, when we are satisfied and most importantly, when we are confident in all that we achieve and desire. Love itself is a sacrifice. It all comes naturally. If we cannot be unselfish, then we cannot love, neither can we sacrifice for love.

    To love is to be willing to take a risk at all cost or cause.

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