Beaute Creole (The Talk) Part IV

Effective communication is a must for any relationship to be happy and successful. In fact, studies show that the number one reason for success in relationships and marriages is good communication between the two partners, whereas, the number one reason why relationships and marriages fail is poor communication.

So I called her up when i got back to town, we made plans to link up at a local club for a night of fun. In a way we were both ignoring the fact that we had to talk about what happened, so maybe dancing was our way of easing into things. So we got to the club, hung out at the bar, joked around with each other and everything seemed fine. Onlookers could tell we were an item by the way we were acting; it’s as if we hadn’t seen each other in years and couldn’t keep our hands off one another. We got on the dance floor waltzed around and left the club after a couple of hours. We were undecided as to what we wanted to do so i asked her to come back to my place and hang out. She was a bit iffy at first but in the end she gave in; she figured we could talk about the past few weeks and get back on track with whatever we were trying to build. I guess it was like D day. One thing we both kept reminding ourselves is that we must break every situation down before it escalates into something bigger.

We got back to my place and started watching TV. She brought up my trip, so I told her about it and then I returned the question. She told me that she took the trip to put an end to whatever she and the guy in NY had. She and the guy in NY had so much of a history that she couldn’t just end it over the phone. Granted it had been a while since they had last seen each other yet she was feeling me so much that she had to do it. She had to literally see him and cut him off. When asked why the relationship didn’t work, she explained to me that distance played a role. But to get over him and press on with her love life, she had “to emotionally break-up with him”. In a sense, her reasoning was like, “to be with you and because I do not want to compare you to him, I had to go ahead and do what I had to do. “

To a certain extent, it made sense. I had to accept her reasoning because she had never given me a reason to doubt but then again, women have a lot of tricks up their sleeves…and guys do too. Don’t get me wrong, yet I still had to be cautious.

Contrary to what many people believe, successful communicators are made, not born. By this, I mean that being a successful communicator involves learning, or improving upon, a specific set of skills. The key elements of the communication process will help you to avoid miscommunication and greatly enhance your chances of having a happy relationship or marriage.

Now it was my turn to explain to her what happened. It as if she was 50 cent, she had 21 questions line-up for me. This woman was so smart that I couldn’t bullshit my way through things; I actually had to keep it real and just let her in. We ended up opening to each other and just let our feelings be known. She knew where I stood and didn’t have to question whether I liked her or not. It was rejuvenating to actually let things out, clear the air, and although at times I let certain things get the best out of me, but this time I vowed to commit to my promise and talk things out with her instead of bottling them up. There is a very true analogy about relationships that says; communication is to relationships what breathing is to life, and that communication is the largest single factor that determines what kind of relationship a person has with another.


Having had this talk with FAC, I realized how important it is to express ourselves. A sad person can just look sad and say nothing at all, or cry fully for a long time. An angry person can just sit and glare, or cuss and scream and throw things. A happy person can smile quietly or dance jubilantly. We feel better the more we EXPRESS what we feel. The only important factor is: "How SAFE am I to express it now with this person?" Communication requires both speaking and listening. It requires a clear understanding between the major differences between a man and a woman. For example men are more direct and women are more indirect. Men are more focused on results and completion or closure, whereas women are more concerned about relationships and the process of communication. It is this lack of understanding that often leads to misunderstandings in relationships and marriages. FAC and I had just crossed a major hurdle and were both committed to avoid that type of situation as long as we could prevent it.

She rests her head on my chest and asleep we felled…

To be continued…