Why is it so HARD to get some NOOKIE

I've got this hommie, who is arguably the most negative dude in the world. Hommie knew me in high school, and because he’s Haitian, I’d let him sit at my lunch table, give him free passes to my soccer games, and sometimes I’ll even hook him up with one of my groupies. You got to realize that in high school girls would gravitate towards anyone who was popular or simply because you dress nice or you’re good at a sport, etc. But they wouldn’t give you the time of day if you were JUST a smart dude. It’s like being smart isn’t part of the picture. Being SMART has no rewards except a good education and a good job. If being smart is all you had going for you at my high school, you weren’t getting no play, unless you knew one of the studs/jocks. So this dude happen to know me but when I hook him up with chicks, I always hear bad stories like…stinky feet (pye mayas), stinky arm pits, bad breath (dyol santi), and worst of all, can’t hold a conversation. But I did let him chill with me so he can learn from a true giant. So it’s been 7 years since high school and I can't stand to talk to this dude man. He's 27 years old, had good grades but was to dumb to apply to any colleges until he was 3 years removed from high school, has made a mess of his life, has messed up relationships with every girl he comes in contact with, and worst of all still can’t get some nookie.

So how did I found out, huh??? Well, homeboi sent me a friend request on Myspace and I tend to check out everybody’s page before I approve a friend request. So here I am on this dude’s page and I’m reading his bio…First off this homeboi’s name, threw me off (single for life)…WTF kind of shit is that??? So I am reading the bio and it reads like this

“””MY NAME IS xxxx,I WANT TO BE SINGLEFORLIFE BECAUSE I HAVENT HAD GIRLFRIEND SINCE 13 YEARS AGO. I GOT 15 REJECTIONS AND NO GIRLS LIKE ME.IM ALWAYS LONELY LIKE MR. LONELY BECAUSE I HAVE NOBODY. I GO TO MALL ALONE AND GO TO MOVIE ALONE. I NEVER GO TO HOMECOMING DANCE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I NEVER WENT TO THE PROM DANCE. AND I HAVE NOBODY I NEVER KISS AND IM VIRGIN, SO I WILL STAY SINGLEFORLIFE.””””

And to top it off homeboi got Akon’s lonely playing in the background…

Sometimes I don't think I can continue to communicate with him. He’s always talking about his problems and I am like dude, I am not a social worker nor a psychologist…Go see a shrink or something.

Plus, he has pissed me off by hanging up on me when he doesn't like what I tell him....What it is is that I don't tell him what he wants to hear! He has a history of doing that...He'll hang up on me. Then, wait several weeks before calling me again, and he'll act like nothing ever happened.. He won't even mention his hanging up on me...Just move right along.....

Earlier in the week, he asked me if I was coming home for my ex girlfriend’s wedding, so I told him ‘no’ because I wasn’t invited. Plus, why would I go to her wedding. Haven’t seen this chick since high school and don’t know what made this boy think I’d just fly up to DC for some cheap ass soda. And then he said I should fly him to FL so he can finally get laid… (maybe this dude knows something I don’t. Had no idea FL was a pussy haven) But yo man, this dude’s got "issues." And, what is even sadder is that he's 27 years old with no direction in his life.

But I tell you this, I am going to help him get laid and then drop hiss ass…Even the big chubakka mofos be getting some play from Myspace…so I am going to coach this dude man. What do you folks think…should I help his old grumpy stinky ass get some pussy…it’s not like I am getting any myself but I’m a humanitarian, I am the people’s man…so you decide…if y’all think I should then I will… lol…