Psalm 51:10

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. “
Psalm 51:10

I sometimes wonder if God still care or if He turns his head for just a little…The intellect in me knows that He wouldn’t do, he’s omnipresent and omnipotent so such thing wouldn’t occur yet I wonder. I’m not a bad person but I do have evil thoughts. Like my roommate who constantly runs his mouth about shit that has nothing to do with him, I’d like to duke it out with him or maybe I’d like to give him an overdose of pepto bismol. The motherfucker talks too danm much and it’s irritating me.

I also want to hate my ex girl but I cannot. It wouldn’t be right. She’s a nice a girl. A good girl at times. Very materialistic but that’s only because she has a lot of friends who are sleeping with dudes to get what they want, so in a way, my ex girl is either envious or jealous. Bu then again she claims to be different from these hoodrats yet she’s with them all the time. I want to lock her in a room and show her many videos of people who had their reputation tainted because of other people’s mishaps. I know I’ve been a victim of that and so have many of my colleagues.

I wish God would renew my spirit and create in me a pure heart. Lord knows I mean well but my actions aren’t not in line with my heart. The constant scrutiny in my community has somehow affected me and to a certain extent I’ve become careless…not in my actions but my reactions. I need a change of scenery so that I can go back too being me again. I sometimes reminisce on how much fun I used to have just to talk to different community leaders about their projects, plans and aspirations. I miss that…

I need a change big time because I can’t feel my heart…