The past two months we have spent a lot of time developing our relationship. Getting to know each other on a personal level and also trying to adapt to each other’s lifestyle. As with everything else in life, there are always ups and downs but the bottom line is, one should always be willing to work things out and improve on the things that could better the situation. Things weren’t necessarily official just yet but they were moving in the right direction. We had met some of each other’s friends, hung out at various places and somewhat developed a groove.
It’s Saturday evening and I wanted to take her to a comedy show, we had made plans for about a week but one of her friends called and invited us to a bowling party. While I wanted to see the Original Kings of Comedy yet I know she wanted to please her friend, so I canceled and attended with her. She gave me a briefing on her friends as to how they are, how they act, etc. So I figured I would fit right in. When we got there, things were a bit in disarray, some of the girls were just GHETTO, and the dudes, wow, smoking at the alley, heavily drunk and high. I just knew we were going to clash, so I told her that while I want to be here with her, yet I am not going to stay too long. I told her I was feeling the crowd etc. She said ok and agreed that we would leave after an hour or so. Now tell me why this chick went on and told her friends about that? Lol. I was livid. I was overly pissed. I mean, this was something I shared with her in private and I felt like she should have kept it that way. So her friends sort of tuned me out. It was like the whole Gang against me, the booji brother. Lol.
They decided that the guys would face the ladies, so we paid for a couple of games and started playing. Now, I am not a great bowler but I have bowled in the past. I actually enjoy the sport. So we started talking trash a bit but things got real testy when I put my foot in my mouth. I accidently classified one of the girls as being classless. Wow. It was as if they were waiting for me to say something so they could gang up on me. I did apologized but I think my words hit home, so all the girls, including FAC, was upset. The guys ended up winning the game but it was nothing to write home about. My comments seemed to have taken the fun out of things and I couldn’t recover.
While I still feel like my comments were warranted yet it wasn’t the right time t say it, especially when FAC was just trying to get me to bond with some of her peeps. But I must admit, the ladies didn’t really give me a chance to explain myself. I think our opinions of each had been formed the minute we were introduced. The way we were dressed, spoke, and comport ourselves just automatically gave that vibe. So, here I am minding my own business and now this girl had interrupted my flow and opened up a can of worm.
So the whole ride back home she didn’t say a word to me. I felt bad but at the same time, why should I hide my feelings when it comes to important matters? While I find this to be a minor issue, yet it was important to her, so I put my pride down and discussed it with her before I drop her off. We didn’t really get anywhere but it opened up my eyes to a lot of things.
To be continued…
Questions to the readers:
Does your friends’ opinion matter when it comes to the people you choose to date?
Do you need your mate to approve your friends or vice versa?
Does your mate’s opinion of your friends matter to you?
2021-2022 Season Finale
-
*What's That Growling Noise?*
The WORD wonders. That growling noise could be his stomach. Maybe it’s the
backhoe digging up the front yard. Or, more like...
2 years ago
nice piece babe, meeting with the friends is always a little stessful, because you want them to like you if you're serious about that person,it may not matter if they do or not but you'd like them to.
ReplyDeleteYes, my friends opinion does matter, i will hear them out, take their opinion into consideration but at the end of the day it's my choice; i'll do what i think is right for me, not them.
I dont need my mate to approve my friends or vice versa, but it would make things a lot less complicated if they accepted each other. I would want them to be nice to one another because we may have to attend events together.
His opinion about my friends would matter but i dont think his opinion would have an effect on my relationship with them or him; he is entittled to his opinion.
It is great when your friends get along with your mate and vice versa, so i would want that. If we are in a serious relationship, something will have to be done; we'd have to compromise because my friends are part of my life and i will not push them aside to please him. Dont get me wrong, i am aware that your mate and friends not seeing eye to eye can make things difficult and ugly, so the best thing is to talk about it and see what can be done; i wont force you to like them/him but i need you to be respectful and nice to them/him.
DB
That won't be a problem boo because I don't have any friends and keep yours to yourself too, God knows you have some ghetto ones. I don't even know how can you be around them like that. LMAO.
ReplyDeleteI just think friends should stay out of relationships. I don't like when people share too much with their friends about their relationships. I can understand you have a close friend or two but a zillion people do not need to know our business.
1) Their opinion don't matter really if I need advice I would ask the closest of my friends they need to be able to support whatever they come up with and at the end I will evaluate and make MY OWN decision.
2)I don't need him to approve or be nice to them, just civil, he's welcomed to share his opinion but at the end I decide who I want to be friends with or not.
3)Not really but he should be kind as to not disrepect them, or calling them names like you did. lol.
From Jacmel to Aux Cayes, I wonder where else you're heading. Mr. B is never tired of the games and chasing. Let me know when you want to check out the ladies from Saint Marc. You'll never turn back. I promise but no more games, no more chasing. I want you on lock down. LMAO.
Moun CT sa yo...Kisa m pral fe nan boi St marc???? The story 'Beaute Creole' has nothing to do with Blake...If you happen to catch it in the middle, please go back and read the first entry.
ReplyDeletePS: If i wanted to play games, you wouldn't be one of my options.
lol. I hope Blake is not in the mixed hopefully he passed that stage.
ReplyDeleteok, I won't question that last statement too much. Are you saying I'm not your type at all or you won't dare playing your games with me. lol.
Danm, I hate technology, how the hell you know??? Boy, I have not been reading your blogs because they don't make too much sense to me anymore. Too much fiction and I'm not a big fan of your co-writers.lol.
Take care sir!
lol malheureusement se aux cayes lap rete. i love the few people that i call "my friends" and whatever decision i make they will support me but at the same time their opinion don't matter because it's not going to change the way i feel, i will listen to what they have to say but it's up to me to make my own observation, and as for my mate if he sees that i have a friend who's taking me in the wrong path, he has the right to disapprove but after that he can't disaprove my friends ( everybody just need to get along) Mr.B chapter 5 is great (i know your schedule is hectic) but don't take that long to write chapter 6 lol
ReplyDeleteI am going to share a secret with you. We determine how our friends and family treat our mates. The way you present someone to your friends is the way your friends will treat that person period! If you truly love and respect someone your friends and family will pick up on that and treat that person with respect.I personally could care less if my female friends don't like my man, as long as they respect him. In fact, I prefer that they do not like him because in the past I have been the victim of friends trying to get with my man. That's a whole other story lol
ReplyDeleteI strongly believe that in a serious relationship the couple should be each other's friend. By the time they get married, they should be best friends. The couple who have lasting marriages are the ones who turn to each other in difficult times as oppose to turning to others. I think, it's important to have a few older wiser adults to talk to people who want to see the relationship thrive. I don't believe in involving too many friends in a relationship. If something happen with my mate and I, I rather approach him first and discuss it with him. If you keep going to your friend each time something happen, they will only know the bad part of the relationship. Of course they will say this person is no good, you can do better. Once you make up with that person, your friends don't usually hear the good part, so they begin to think that you are stupid for being with this person.
In a relationship it's important to respect yourself, your mate, and the elationship. The relationship is a third entity, and should be treated with respect. For instance, if I am out and flirt with another man that's disrespectful to my marriage, my husband, and me. I love him too much to ever make another man, my friends, or family member think they can disrespect him. It's easy for me to do that because he treats me the same way.
At the end of the day if you end up married to that person that's your future family,so nothing is more important than your bond. You need this bond to raise a build a strong family. We have too many broken homes in our community. It's important to take these things seriously at an early age.
The key is to make each other a priority from day one and the rest will follow.
PS: the male character should not be so quick to judge her friends.they could be ghetto and still be cool people. What causes one to be gettho anyway? Usually it's a result of being born in that environment. How did our brothers and sisters end up there? Slavery! Let's have more compassion for each other and see the humanity in each other.
It's going to be up to the girl to set things right between her friends and this man. She should not have gone to her friends. In a sense that's a betrayal especially after the emphasis on communication in part
IV. I think she sent him a clear signal that her friends come first. He has a long road ahead of him. Can't wait to read part VI.
PS2: good job with the story brother!
"We determine how our friends and family treat our mates. The way you present someone to your friends is the way your friends will treat that person period! If you truly love and respect someone your friends and family will pick up on that and treat that person with respect."
ReplyDeleteParole sacree, well said and vice versa. Our mate treats our family and friends the same way we treat them. It's very important we treat our friends and family with the highest level of respect and consideration and our mate will do the same.
Great points altogether!
I just have to comment on this...
ReplyDelete"We determine how our friends and family treat our mates. The way you present someone to your friends is the way your friends will treat that person period! If you truly love and respect someone your friends and family will pick up on that and treat that person with respect."
I disagree because that is not always the case, while the way you treat your mate can influence the way your friends and family treat him/her, sometimes the way you present and treat him/her has nothing to do with they type of treatment the person gets. I think it's all about education, you may treat your mate with respect, love and you present him/her well to your friends and family and the person is still not liked or respected; it is not your fault, you cant shape one's opinion or show them manners;it can be because the person is ignorant or simply dont know any better.
Vice versa, you may treat your friends and family with respect and your mate doesnt do the same, it is not your fault. Now, you can make sure that you do something about it, ask that they are treated with respect, if not, show him/her that it will not be tolerated. remember, you cant change anyone but you should not accept their rudeness either; at the end you should expect to make some hard decisions.
I do agree that if you treat your mate/friends, or family with no respect, then there is a big possibility that they will not be respected. In that case, your treatment of that person have a strong correlation to how they are treated back...
You cant say "The way you present someone to your friends is the way your friends will treat that person period!" we'd hope so, but nothing is written in stone and we dont all have the same education!!Thus, we dont always determine the treatment our loved ones receive.
Great work babe, i just had to respond to this statement.
DB
Your story reminds me of something I went through a few years back and I wrote about it in my journal, it's called "Dynamics"
ReplyDeleteThough I was so into him, I have to say goodbye. We never seem to get along for long. The constant fights and misunderstandings are not my style. It breaks my heart to let go of something that could have been but it hurts more standing by the side watching him being so cold and distant. I can see through him. I can see his greatness and his pain, but he won't open up to me.
He has a let me hurt her before she hurts me attitude, which has caused me more pain than I'll ever let him know. As much as he may like me, I will never know for sure because he was too busy protecting his ego.
The dynamic between us is killing me. As strong as I am it made me weak. As open as my heart was it forced me to close it. As much as I cared, it pushed me away.
You acted and reacted as if I want to hurt you when baby all I wanted to do was hold you and assure you that I would never hurt you.
It hurts so bad to say goodbye to what could've been and what wasn't, but what is has been unbearable thanks to your cold ways of going about things. I wonder if you knew how much it hurts when you ignore my messages, if would you still do it? You must know, otherwise why would you do it?
I'd like to think that your heart is not callous, but since mine isn't it can not withstand the pain of waiting to find out whether your heart beats for mine or whether you are truly cold.
Goodbye my sleeping prince.
DB,thank you. You are right I did generalize a bit in the first part.I guess I was thinking of the situation in the story and replying from that standpoint.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking back of how my best friend's boyfriend's parents did not like her and it had nothing to do with the way he treated her. Actually, come to think of it my first boyfriend's mom did not like me, but I didn't care he loved me and she knew it.I never tried to kiss up to her. She never got more than a hi from me. After we broke up, he quit college and his life went down the drain. It was at this point she was saying how great I was to him and how she wish I had stayed with him. It's been years now and whenever I run into her, she is so sweet to me lol
The reason she had the change in attitude is because I sent her the clear message that I could careless what she thought without disrespecting her.
I guess it also has a lot to do with whether you actually care if that person's friend or family likes you. Some times people choose to not like you for no reason. No matter what you do they don't like you and sometimes the more you try the more they dislike you or even lose respect for you.
One of the key compenents is self-respect and self-esteem. Once people know that you don't care what they think, they tend to live you alone.
Great post too sweetie.