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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

What’s in a number?

What is a number? One quick answer would be, a mathematical object used in counting and measuring. So if that definition stands correctly then, why do we put so much emphasis on it?

Imagine you’re at a park and you meet a beautiful woman; you strike a conversation with her and later exchange numbers. On your first date, she tells you that she’s a Christian and has been saving her goodies for her husband. Now, I know how us dudes mind work. That statement is a killer; it’s a party-pooper, no guy wants to hear those words, especially when you’ve done analyzed it in your head that at some point within the first 3 dates, you’re going to score.

So from this point forth, your mindset is different. You’re not sure if you want to see her again or not. You’re unsure of the direction in which you want this relationship to progress. Yes, you’re attracted to her, and by now, you’ve gotten past being with the virgin stage, but you don’t want to commit to this person only to break things off after a couple months, maybe a year max, and the worst part, you fail to score. So you decide to go on a second date and on this date, the topic of your sexual experience comes up. You, being the egotistical macho that you are, decides to share the number of women you have bed, and this time you are the one feeling lousy.

The thing is, a lot of guys share this number (at times) because they want to show their weight when really it could be the most devastating news you ever share with someone. Sometimes, a guy would decide to lie about it, so he would choose a number that he feels is comfortable, and in the end, she ends up looking at you like a fool.

So really, what’s in a number? Is it that important? Should the many women or men you have been with come into discussion when dealing with a new mate? How much of an issue is it, if this number is a lot more than he or she anticipated? What’s the cutoff point? What is a good number for a man or a woman? Is there a number for guys and one for women? Does it matter how many people your mate has slept with?

Say for instance, a 28 year old woman has been with 3 guys. What does it prove? She may have recently started to have sex and in a span of 3 weeks had sex with 3 guys? Should her character be questioned?

See, I asked a friend of mine this very same question earlier today and here’s her response, “Most modern women would have had more than 3 sexual partners before they are 30. In today’s society, it is rare to find a woman approaching her 30’s who hasn’t slept with close to 10 guys or more.”

I was satisfied with this response because if us guys are expecting to sleep with more than 10 women by the time we’re 18, than why not the woman? Why the double standard?

So really, what’s in a number? When you put all your baggage on the table, where would the number of people your mate has slept with rank?

I am a modern dude and while I think HISTORY is very important sometimes you have to take different things under consideration. My thing is, the world is full of sluts today. Whether you meet the person at a church, club, or in cyberspace, you are going to have to make that decision on your own. My preferences shouldn’t be my friends and vice-versa. There’s only one life to live and whether or not you want your mates’ history to disrupt a beautiful journey you two could potentially map out, well, that’s your prerogative my friend.

Please leave feedback.

19 comments:

  1. It should not matter how many people you slept with. It shouldn't be anyone buisness who you slept with or how many times you slept around. If that question should come up I would change the number. Now by me changing my number what does that prove? Nothing really. People lie all the time. Is that a good thing..NO.
    Guys been sleeping around since the beginning of time. But if she sleeps around with too guys she gets all kinds of name. Like ho, slut, bitch, and skank. Wow! The only name guys get is a playa,"the MAN", dog, pimp. And his friends congratulate him on the scoring of many woman.
    To me the number conversation should not be part of getting to know someone, bottom line. The most important question should be who did you sleep with without protection...

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  2. Wow, this is a very interesting topic.I believe that this question shouldnt be asked unless you've prepare yourself for the answer, if it's not a number you can deal with, what are you going to do about it? So many times people ask questions that they cant handle and when they get the answer,they judge you or use it against the person.So one need to think about both possibilities, ask yourself can i handle a big number? Will it change anything?
    While i believe that what a person did in their past is their business, though i'd like to know for instance if am dating a 28 y/o and he's been with like 36 momen!!! now, like you said B, the age of the person, when he/she started having sex tells a whole different story he may have started having sex at 16, so in the past 12 years he slept with 3 women a year? or 10 last year, 20 in one year? so the way these numbers are distributed tells you something about the person's character and i guarantee you that you will not get the break down per year so you can analyze it. So i dont know if knowing the number would be valuable if i dont know the time frame and how many number fit within each year. In addition, maybe the person changed, maybe, maybe not. I would be more interested in finding out your HIV status, last time you took the test and get a feel on how you view relationship now, are you into monogamy? What's your view on women and sex? Do you practice safe sex?
    I do feel that there is a double standard when it comes to women and men in regard to sex when there shouldnt be. If both men and women have slept with 10 people in a year, i'd put them in the same basket.
    DB

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  3. I'd like to agree with you DB. It's really interesting how we tend to break things down.

    Now if a person sleeps with 5 women/year since he or she was 16, would you call him or a her hoe by the time he or she is 30?

    so DB really, would you have a problem if your mate who's 28 told you that he's been with 250 women?

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  4. oh hell yea i'd have a problem! i dont think there is a break down that would work in this instance. 250 is a big number!!!I guess it all depends on the number.

    That's about 70 people by the time that person is 30!!! yea, that person is a hoe.
    you see the difference? 250, i dont even need a break down. The number complicate things, how do you get pass this number. If the person said he/she changed, would it make a difference? i think this nummber would jeopardize a relationship. This is a serious subject.
    DB

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  5. so what you're saying is that it all depends if this person has changed his or her behavior? I mean, giving that you would be next on his or her plate, i am not sure we can analyze that unless this person has claimed celibacy for a period of time once you met him or her.

    also, if this number would jeopardize the relationship, then its a problem with you??? is that correct DB?

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  6. well, how do you proove celibacy? you're not having sex with me but how do i really know that you're not having sex with anyone else? Now since we're talking about asking the question while in the getting to know the person stage, you do not know the person yet. So, it would be my choice to go into that relationship, take a chance when you've told me that you're 28 and have slept with 270 women.I appreciate the honesty but i think it would be a problem, there is no way it would not bother me. Should the person pay for his mistake, no he shouldnt. but how do i know that he's really changed? Am i ready to take that chance and risk my life if he didnt change? so when it comes to it, you have to do what you think is right, what you're comfortable with. Dont you think?
    DB

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  7. You're right. It's all about moving past the sexual escapades and diggin deeper into this person that you're interested in. I think nowadays, we shouldn't be too quick to dismiss people unless they have given us a reason to; i am not sure if past sexual encounters would fit the bill...but then again, i do have a number in mind and if a chick goes over this number, i am most likely to just chill with you and not get myself deep into anything.

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  8. I've never asked that question, though i've notice that some asks how many relationships you've been in, when this is a whole different question. number of relationship tells you nothing about the number of people one slept with. Is this a substitution and do guys ask because they dont care about how many men you've slept with? I know it's 2 different questions, but do you ask that for a purpose? What should a one thinks if he/she is asked 'how many relationships you've had'? is the person really not interested in how many people you've slept with?
    DB

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  9. I try not to ask that question but if it comes up then i'll just let it be. Like i stated in the actual entry, most guys are not looking to marry a virgin but then again they ain't looking for a whore either.

    One of my dudes told me this, if a chick has been with more than 50 guys then his next question would be, how much were you charging them?

    I think some people ask how many relationships you have been with, as a substitute for how many guys you have slept with...Now if a chick says, i've been in one relationship yet she has slept with 50 dudes, then thats just a huge ass discrepency. i think the guy would have the right to ask a follow up question after that response bc if a chick says that to me, it won't be your typical "thats cool" or " thats wassup"... You would get the crazy look, then the smirk (inside, i am really saying, goddamn this heffa is a hoe)and then my follow up.

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  10. ok, would you think the same if it was a guy who gave that answer? Been in 1 relationship, but slept with 50 women.
    DB

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  11. DB
    i am a guy; i can't answer that question. I have never been in a woman's body so i don't know how they react to certain things.

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  12. Sure, am a girl and i answered the question on both perspective. You didnt give a direct answer but this prove that society made it so that it is a double standard. It is considered bad for women, but not for men and it goes way back..... It has become a norm that women should have a good reputation. It's interesting that even women does it, some will quickly call women whores but wont do so for a man.There is no changing the facts. Very interesting!!!
    DB

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  13. I am not saying that its cool for a guy to do it but it has been that way for centuries and it will not change anytime soon.

    Question though, what is your initial reaction when you learn that he or she has been around???

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  14. it all goes back to double standard and what history has allow it to be(norm). So my reaction would differ between a guy and a girl. It's not right on both accounts but because of society,women stands out more.So first reaction for a man would be 'player' then the other names, a woman would never be seen as a player. I dont think it will ever change.

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  15. yep, it is what it is! thanks for this interesting topic.

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  16. I was watching a Haitian movie one day, "Cousin", it was about two friends. out he asked a question...What makes a girl There was a famous line in the movie that was aked, what makes a female a "bouzin(hoe)". The answer he got was... a guy makes the girl a hoe. It's not the number of men or women u sleep with. I could be 28 and slept with 30 guys in socities eyes when in fact I only slept with 10. A guy could really have slept 30 women by the time he is 28 and we really wouldn't care. If he didn't sleep with that many we would think something is wrong..Again why should we care about the amount? If you were warned or you heard that person slept with ALOT of men/women would that stop you? WOuld that make the person less of what you expected? Why should you question that? Espeacially if you still go after that person. I know some girls who have that rep of sleeping with many guys but they still get other guys to talk to them. So really when the question is being asked, does it really matter?

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  17. i guess it doesnt, like you said. if it did then it would be the end for many. Boy, this is hard. Bottom line, relationships are about taking chances, you shouldnt go in with the past hanging over your head; past should stay the past. It goes back to being comfortable, and which is why i dont think one should ask that question if you are not sure or dont know what you'd do about it. You may not be able to handle it. If it wont make a difference but just want to know, go right ahead. We have make this complicated, it isnt written anywhere that a man/woman should sleep with one person during his/her lifetime, yes the bible says that one should wait for marriage and be monogamous when in a relationship, but it doesnt say that everyone will be married. what then? no sex? lol so i think society complicate things by placing people into categories based on how many sexual partners the've had.

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