All by my danm self

My dude called me a couple of weekends ago and said yo B, I am bored, I am lonely, my wife left with the butcher and I think I am going to Africa to find myself. I said ok homie, get at me when you get there…so here I am all alone, and I kinda like being alone sometimes. I just love the peace and solitude and as I have gotten older (26) that feeling have not lessened. Most people fear being alone, I never did and never will, shoot, what could be better. Loneliness is not the enemy....Boredom is…and a guy like me doesn’t get bored that often unless I am one those Bouji Haitian events where these colored mofos pretending to be better than everyone else start speaking French and they don’t even know a lick of English and they’ve been here for 25 years. What a pitiful nation….no sense of assimilation. The mofo lives in America and he thinks French is better…gade yon bann moun mesye! Don’t let me get started on them fools, lemme get back to my piece, so as long as I have several dozen good books, Espn, and my laptop, being alone does not faze me.

I can pinpoint the feeling of loneliness when I hit thirteen. High school broke up the grammar school gang of mine and puberty started to hit us. With the old gang forever gone, I became a homebody and a bookworm. Shyness ruled me and that along with a fear of girls kept my ass on the outside. I am still shy when it comes to approaching certain women but the minute I do though, game over. Manmzel pa fouti di non! GUARANTEED!

But like anything else, we adapt and it didn't bother me....Still doesn't. It can have an affect on family and relationships because as I have gotten older, I tend to like being alone more and more. Family whenever they do call it's always some high drama and as a result if I do call, I call at work. My mom get really pissed off though when she doesn’t hear from me but I am like, if you really wanna hear from me all the time, why can’t you pick up the phone and call me sometimes. I mean, she acts like she ain’t got long distance. Nation sa mesye, she be like, ou konnen se long distance, and I am like mah, it’s a cell phone, you can call anywhere in the states and it wont’ cost you a dime. And her responses be so funny, ou kwem ka kwe blan sa yo.

So when I do call them though, I call from work. Because calling from home tends to means I have to stay on the line listening to stuff me have a hundred times before and I no longer wish to hear it. Besides her stories be upsetting me and put me at a financial deficiency. I swear, every time I get off the phone with her I feel poorer. People especially women tend to get annoyed at me because I don't call when they think I should and maybe they have a point. But I like my peace and quiet. Sometimes I just don't feel like calling anybody and I love that solitude. It has gotten to the point where I don't think I could ever live with another woman or person except when I have my first child real soon. The sweetest solace of all is lying awake late at night just enjoying the serenity of the night. Dealing with an asinine public has fortified that desire to be alone. I could write about how f**king annoying, self-centered, stupid ninety percent of them are, but you kinda' get the message. Sometimes I’ll just go a museum, zoo, or botanical garden, or movie by myself just to enjoy being alone. Could I ever do without the company of a woman? In the short run....Yes......In the long run....No...I positively adore the company of women and that will never change.....Books, Women, and Creole Hip Hop. As long as I have those three my ass can deal with being alone....That and a working penis!