07 Reflections

The past few days I’ve really been keeping to myself. Part of it has to do with me being on vacation but I’ve been thinking over and over about the refrain from this track by Eryka Badu's how good it is..... How good it is.... how good is...When I think about it, I haven’t been only blessed, I’ve literally been transcended to this new mindset. It’s funny because I finally feel like my old self again, before the transformation. I feel like I am where God intended for me to be. I’ve been blessed. The Lord has been good to me. He didn’t just capture me out of no where, he’s gotten me to a whole new dimension. Even in the midst of family tragedy, he has allowed me to feel like time and space and the cares of this life don’t matter. The purest form of his spirit has been revealed. In a previous entry, I alluded to leaving the church because of the people. And this year, even after I lost a couple family members, people kept on telling me to pray and go back to church, yet I couldn’t give in. But I tell y’all man, I’ve given in, I have succumbed to him and believe me or not, it has made a whole lot of difference.

I am happy. I am really happy. No, it has nothing to do with my new place or the new ride, it’s another form of joy. I am happy because the Lord has found me pleasing enough to restore what was lost to me. He has given me a chance to redeem my soul and elevate myself where I can let him be the guide. He has placed me in a situation by shifting people and moving blocks and open new doors just to empower my life just so I can use this new found wisdom.
I’ve failed many times this year. Not because I wasn’t prepared but mostly due to my arrogance and cockiness. There’s no arrogance with God, this man will put you back in your place, and earlier this week, when it seemed like I was losing it, God gave me the strength to overcome this test. I passed with flying colors and I truly believe it is his way of telling me that 2008 will be better than 07. 4 deaths in the family, mother being hospitalized for an extended period, I got diagnosed with a chronic kidney problem, and one of my little brother’s got himself in serious trouble with the law. I mean, it has been gruesome to say the least. But with this new found wisdom, I think it will launch me to my next level. ‘tis the year for me to get back to where I used to be and I am gearing up for great things.

In the past few months some hommies have left, others have returned, made peace with the first, forgave the last, and dropped a confused mind. My idea of family has changed; I’ve broken generational curses and mundane ideals. I’ve commanded greatness from those I consider friends and decided not to take it to heart if they fall off track. I’ve had to walk away from a few people mainly because they were confusing the heck out of me. You had those hommies who didn’t know what role they should play in your life, and you also had those chicks who were confused about wanting a friendship, a sexual relationship, or simply a relationship. I am so focused right now that I am not willing to wait for anyone to make up their minds and take me off my track. And that goes for family, acquaintances, hommies, and friends. You know the feeling when you’ve had enough right and it seem like you can’t be hurt or faze by anything right, well, that’s where I am at. I have forgiven those who have shitted on me and I hope they understand that I must walk away. Part of this new wisdom is to realize when people are walking all over you and try your best to rid them out your life. I finally realized that life is worth living and worth living merrily. Everyone deserves that and in order to live like that, you need to surround yourself with people who will bring joy to your life. It’s so annoying to call someone and have them piss you off or mess up your mood. No one is worth that much. If all you do is piss me off, then what’s the point of keeping your number? The people in your life should help edify and fortify what God is doing, hopefully they are able to grow with you and speak life into you. Encourage and sharpen you, help you get on track if you lose your way! And respect your gifts and also love you for your imperfections.

Even in the midst of family tragedy, I feel so anew. For the year 2008, I’d simply love for God to keep me grounded and focused. I’d also like for him to help me regain my trust in people and also help me to love the ones in and out my life and treat them with the respect they deserve!